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8 July 2011 / Joel

The thoughts of a [hmmmhrmmm] Phoenix and a Personal Health Report

So, Jordyn, like a mother-fucking phoenix, is slowly ascending from her strep k-hole and has, thankfully, traded in her pen and notepad for her, you know, like, self.

As a goodbye to her illness and a tribute to the loving girl/best friend herself, I have collected, without context, my favorite entries from her conversational steno-pad (in chronological order).


1. I’m out of clean underwear.

2. Don’t make me laugh! It hurts! 🙁

3. Yes, have some.

4. Anti-apartheid dude.

5. Have you seen the original?

6. It’s crazy that a single civilization ruled that area for thousands of years.

7. I don’t know why anyone in the East Bay tries to have a grass lawn.

8. Mine is like 126. They always say that my ratio between good & bad cholesterol is great.

9. The Matrix

10. You can’t keep yourself from swallowing in your sleep.

11. He always tries to make me Christian.

12. I remembered – I just didn’t want to miss the expozish so I was waiting a sec.

13. I think I’ll eat it in the morning.

14. I want to painlessly drink water!

15. Since I don’t pee anymore, I don’t need any.

16. What a douche! Is he worth the chase?

17. Joel didn’t get me cepacol ’cause they only had lozenges.

18. Joel is my personal attaché.

19. I just wanted you to tell him that I have no voice so he doesn’t think we’re weird!

20. Birthdays aren’t part of your religion.

21. I hate career-builder.

22. Nothing’s biting you!

23. So, let’s not get carried away looking for some platonic ideal of a flip-flop.

24. The wheatgrass did nothing?

25. My poor liver.

26. I know, but it was a startlingly grotesque hand gesture.

27. Now you see! You were all dismissive of my concern at the time.

Also: W/r/t my health sitch, I’m not unhappy to report that my strep-lessness continues to persist.

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